"The 'what-ifs?' increase exponentially when your heart is walking around outside of your body wearing Buzz Lightyear light up shoes."
- BlestWithSons
Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Among them:
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags
If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
All single women have a cat. *
Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
And this is the one that always bugs me:
It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" [in] a telephone conversation.
Rivaled only by the immediate beep-beep-beep of a disconnected line, when in real life, the off-the-hook alert doesn't begin for at least a minute.
Read the whole list.
(HT: Bill Wallo at Cinema Veritas)
* Is the single girl with cat thing not true?
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Comments on "40 Things That Only Happen in the Movies":
2. Scott
- 11/08/2005 7:30 am CST
"It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" [in] a telephone conversation."
Actually in real life I don't hear goodbye very often and hello is rarer.
3. Glenn
- 11/08/2005 7:48 am CST
True on saying "goodbye". My friends tell me I omit it a lot and it irritates them.
Re: single women and cats. It would be interesting if someone would do a study to test this hypothesis in the evangelical Christian community: 15% of American evangelical single women age 28 have a cat; 25% at age 30; and after age 35-- 75%.
It's a hypothesis and maybe wrong, but that's my rough estimate.
Next question: what accounts for this phenomenon and the lack of a corresponding cat phenomenon-tied-to-singles-and-age with evangelical men?
4. Raindream
- 11/08/2005 7:48 am CST
The "heavily outnumbered" line is what ruined Matrix 2 for me. The mansion scene where 5-6 people with machine guns vs. Neo before they knew anything about him was too much for me. Jumping around in traffic was great, but the mansion was too much.
5. Raindream
- 11/08/2005 7:51 am CST
Re: cats. Single men don't long for a warm body to cuddle. They may say they do, but I suggest cuddling a cat is not what they want in their lives. A big, fun-loving dog is more their style--generally speaking.
6. Jared
- 11/08/2005 8:06 am CST
Scott, what do people in your world say when they answer the phone?
Glenn, how do you "sign off" with people? Do you just hang up on them? ;-)
7. Scott
- 11/08/2005 8:26 am CST
I've heard "Yeah." My dad will sometimes give a "It's your dime." If I know who it is (I like caller id adn I think this is what is changing the greeting) then it could be any number of things.
8. jen
- 11/08/2005 8:47 am CST
Single women and cats - maybe true. It's less the cuddling thing, because a lot of cats are not known for their snuggling, than it is the company thing.
That said, I know a lot of single gals who have dogs, myself included.
As for single men, I have known quite a few single men who had cats and they often had more than one. I can't think of any single guys I have known that had a dog before they got married.
9. Raindream
- 11/08/2005 8:56 am CST
Hmmm. The several cats I've known have been friendly, cuddley things. It's prob. that we just click.
I realize now that I answer the phone at work, "CBMC. This is Phil," when I think someone is calling from outside. From inside, I may say, "Yes, ma'am," or "Hi."
10. Scott
- 11/08/2005 9:10 am CST
At work if it's internal I say "PC Support this is Scott." External gets a "Hello" unless I know who it is.
11. Justin
- 11/08/2005 7:04 pm CST
-The younger and cuter a child is in the movie is directly proportional to the ability of said child to say the line or saying that changes the main adult's perspective in life. (i.e. "There is no spoon," "Ohana means family," "Every time a bell rings...")
-Volcanoes erupt, earthquakes rumble, tornadoes destroy, and planes crash --- but the dog will survive.
-Any part of the US that is at least 100 miles inland looks like the middle of Nebraska.
-Driving requires that you perpetually move the wheel left and right on straight, open road.
12. gina
- 11/09/2005 10:03 am CST
I am single. I don't have any cats or dogs. However, my best friend who is single (divorced actually) has 3 cats. Another single female friend of mine also has a cat. My friend Courtney is single and she has a dog, but no cats.
13. Glenn
- 11/09/2005 10:46 am CST
Do you know any single men in their 30s with cats? Jen (above comment) says she knows "lots".
I know two.
I'm NOT saying there is any correlation AT ALL, but it just so happens that of the only two single guys I know with cats, one is now a former evangelical and the other is...struggling.
14. blestwithsons
- 11/10/2005 2:36 am CST
When I was single I did not have a cat.
Here's another one - Marines in boot camp always do that stupid hand-clapping push up thing. I saw that on the commercial for Jarhead. Oh - and Drill Instructors are always a whole lot meaner and more physical than they are allowed to be in real life.
15. Kevin
- 11/10/2005 5:56 am CST
Drill Instructors are always a whole lot meaner and more physical than they are allowed to be in real life.
Not back in '85. Lou Gosset Jr. had nothing on Ssgt Williams (whose declared objective was to make us cry). They found countless ways to humiliate us, even if they could not beat us. I never saw a drill sergeant stop doing pushups because he was tired. About the 100th or so perfect pushup, he would bounce to his feet and dare you to challenge him while he was tired, all the while challenging the whole platoon's manhood in every verbal way possible.
The movies always fail to capture how intimidating a drill instructor really is.
16. Kevin
- 11/10/2005 6:13 am CST
Oh, and on the cat thing.
I was tickled to get the residence for the kids in the divorce, but the cats!
Of her 5 cats, she kept one, and so far I have only given 1 away. Being outnumbered by the needy is a horrible thing. I get Purrsy off me in the living room, and go to the bathroom where Patsy is stalking because she likes to drink from the bathtub faucet and pester people "chained" to the throne. Leave there and go down to the computer and Mitzi is in my lap until Purrsy comes back around. Mitzi digs her claws into my legs until Purrsy either leaves or runs her off. The worst is the trip to the kitchen, but we won't even go there.
Not a moment of peace.
I read an article on "movie logic" once. I was embarrassed I'd never noticed the phenomenon before. Whatever we see in a movie, we believe, even if we know it isn't true. After all, we just saw it happen. So if the movie says the hero can jump his car over a bridge, and the car will leap to the other side rather than going nose down into the river below, our eyes have seen it, so it must be true. And if we have a moment of doubt, something will probably blow up in a couple seconds to distract us.