The Thinklings

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Sunday, April 5, 2009

Hospitality

Posted by Bird @ 10:12 am CDT
Filed under: General, Questions . . .

Some relatively new friends of ours invited us over to their home for dinner Saturday night. Unfortunately we weren't able to make it. What was surprising to me, though, was that I think that was the first time in about a year and a half that we had been invited over to anyone's home.

My wife Brandi loves to be hospitable. She loves to cook, make the house ready for guests, roll out the proverbial red carpet, et cetera. Due to her inclination toward hospitality we've had people over to our home at least 30 times over the past year. And her bent toward hospitality makes the contrast all the more apparent to me. Are people just not hospitable anymore?

I think for a variety of reasons our family may unintentionally intimidate people into not inviting us over (for example, we have three kids and two of them have special diets). I can understand people's apprehension with specialized diets, but by now we're used to taking the kids' food with us wherever we go, so it's no big deal to us. That's all conjecture anyway. I really have no idea what the deal is, and maybe it's a variety of issues.

What I'm really wondering is whether in our busy, cloistered, independent, self-sufficient, private lifestyles, Americans -- and especially American Christians -- have lost site of what it means to be hospitable?

What's your experience with this sort of thing?

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Comments on "Hospitality":

1. Andrew - 04/05/2009 12:32 pm CDT

Bird, you're welcome to bring your family to my dorm room, any time you'd like.

2. Quaid - 04/05/2009 1:05 pm CDT

Honestly, I haven't seen the same distance from hospitality as you. I'm not certain which of our situations are more the norm.

I have met some of the most hospitable people over the last few years that I have ever encountered in my life. While they aren't the usual person, they are certainly enough to account for their part of the body of Christ. Different gifts to different people, I suppose.

Hopefully, this is encouraging to you - I don't know that things are as bad off as you suggest might be the case. This is my personal experience.

3. Bill - 04/05/2009 2:59 pm CDT

I think people are a bit less hospitable now than in the past, due to our lifestyles. But people still are gifted with hospitality and I know lots of people for whom it's natural to have others over at all times.

Jill and I struggle with this a bit, neither of us being naturally outgoing and neither gifted with hospitality. But I know we need to get better.

Next time you're in town, you're invited over! Just let us know :-)

4. Lauren - 04/05/2009 3:47 pm CDT

I know my parents have felt this. I've watched as my mom would invite a few couples over and then have them get together the next month and not include my parents...its weird. I don't know if people just don't like them or what. It's really hurtful to have that happen.

I'm getting married in June and don't have "my own place" to invite people over yet. But after we get married we both look forward to having dinner guest often.

I hope hospitality isn't a lost art.

5. Bird - 04/05/2009 5:42 pm CDT

Bird, you're welcome to bring your family to my dorm room, any time you'd like.

Andrew, when we were driving by Baylor one day Daniel said, "This is Mr. Andrew's habitat." I guess he's been reading too many nature books. :-)

6. Crossbow - 04/05/2009 10:57 pm CDT

We get about 4-5 invitations per month to someone's house, and try to invite people to our place just as much... but we still get invited more than we invite. BUT that only started once we left the church we were going to, that was the one here in DFW associated with your church. While at that church, we were never invited anywhere, and had people over to our place much more than we were ever invited. We talked to several people that felt the same way (who were, ironically, talking about it while sitting at our table after we had invited them over :) But, to be fair, they were commenting that it was the first time it had happened in months. There is just something about the that church system is all I can guess (does it count as a denomination now? :). We had many of the same problems while back in Waco. I have no idea what causes it. Not that I am saying you should find a new church - we still stuck with that church, because no church is perfect. Maybe it is the Waco water....

There, of course, were many funny situations back when I was a LG leader, and spoke up about these problems, and the male head leader over the LG leaders would come back and disagree with me about it. Then said male leader's wife would come talk to my wife and ask her to apologize to me for her husband's statements, saying something to the effect of "I wish he would quit ignoring these problems that he knows exist." Male egos... what can you do? :)

7. Quaid - 04/06/2009 8:10 am CDT

Bill said:
"neither of us being naturally outgoing and neither gifted with hospitality."

Maybe you're not gifted, but I've seen the Roberts' hospitality skillz on display multiple times. I could offer examples, but I'll leave it at that.

Go guac.

8. Bird - 04/06/2009 7:01 pm CDT

We get about 4-5 invitations per month to someone's house, and try to invite people to our place just as much

No kids, right? I'm wondering if that's a decisive factor.

Not that I am saying you should find a new church - we still stuck with that church, because no church is perfect. Maybe it is the Waco water....

Right. No church is perfect. I've had problems with Antioch, but I love the church as a whole. I don't think that a lack of hospitality is an Antioch-only thing. In fact, I'd assume that hospitality is higher at ACC than at other churches, but that's just a hunch.

Next time you're in town, you're invited over! Just let us know :-)

Thanks, brother. :-)

9. Milly - 04/06/2009 7:23 pm CDT

Ya'll come. I have a great kitchen to cook in and love to have folks over to cook with the kids and me. Until this place sells and I move into another place.

10. jen - 04/07/2009 9:23 am CDT

I think kids may play a part. I know that I'm reluctant to accept certain invitations because of having an active toddler to deal with - he's enough work that our enjoyment of the time with friends would be seriously challenged. It's another reason we don't invite many people over these days, too.

I do have the gift of hospitality and I miss hosting friends. I just think we're wiser to wait until our kids are older and better suited to having guests or being guests.

That said, I can see what you're saying about it being lost in our culture. Although I do know several people who often have people over, including my parents. My mother is the hostess to beat all hostesses.

11. Shrode - 04/08/2009 9:05 am CDT

What Jen said, in spades. We have 4 boys ages 2,3,5,7.

We miss it though cuz its my wife's spiritual gift.

12. Crossbow - 04/08/2009 11:07 pm CDT

I just commented this on the solo blog, but kids never have mattered that much. The couple in our group with the most kids actually has the most active social life. We hang out with the couples with kids more than the ones without, I think. We have probably 5 couples with kids, and 3 without, for a total of about 12 kids or so on any given week in small group.

But, we also like kids and play with them all the time in church and when they are over at house. But, of course, the first time we had small group at our house, all the kids went upstairs and one loudly asked "where are the toys... ?"

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