"Jim -- Did you catch that show last night?
Pam -- No, I don't watch TV. I have a life.
Jim -- Really? What's that like?
Pam -- It's nice. You should get one.
Jim -- But then who will watch my television?
"
- the NBC sitcom "The Office"
Monday, August 30, 2010
Yesterday at church we had a guest speaker, Dr. Daniel Akin, who delivered a very challenging message on fulfilling the Great Commission. In his message Dr. Akin relayed the following conversation which happens over and over in the life of a Christian college administrator:
Freshman Orientation at a Christian College
Parents (to administrator): Now, I'm expecting you to keep watch over our son. Keep him away from the Big Three [Drugs, Alcohol, Sex], get him in a discipleship group, and make sure he gets plugged into a church.
Administrator: I'll do my best.
Phone Call from Student to Parents, Two Months Later
Student: Mom, Dad, I've decided to switch majors.
Mom and Dad: You have? What to?
Student: I've decided to not get a Business degree anymore. I'm now going to major in Christian Studies. My plan is to do full-time missions-work.
Parents: [stunned silence]
Five Minutes After Aforementioned Phone Call
Christian College Administrator, answering the phone: Hello?
Parents: We asked you to keep our son away from the Big Three, get him into a discipleship group, and get him plugged into a church. We didn't ask you to make him a fanatic!
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Comments on "What's Wrong With This Picture?":
2. Quaid
- 08/30/2010 9:31 pm CDT
Isn't part of the problem that the parents irrationally thrust responsibility onto an administrator who is incapable of watching over every student that comes through his/her office?
Instead of saying, "I'll do my best," maybe the administrator should have answered, "I'm happy to be a resource for whatever your student needs - let them know they can call or email whenever they want to."
I'm not a parent, so maybe my perspective is immature, but I don't know why an administrator would accept responsibility for a student's potential future drinking, drug or sex problem and/or why a parent would expect them to do so.
3. Bill
- 08/30/2010 9:44 pm CDT
I feel like the point of this post if being missed somewhere. :-)
The "I'll do my best" is a paraphrase from memory - I don't know if that is the exact phrase. This is an amalgam, after all.
On a side note, quaid, we parents expect all sorts of outlandish things from teachers, coaches, youth leaders, and college admins ;-). But this post is way more about the parent's reaction than it is about anything the admin said or did
4. Dave
- 08/30/2010 11:53 pm CDT
I take your point. It's a good one. We often want to just keep our kids "safe" instead of producing kids who are passionate for Christ. Materialists have a tendency to produce materialists, right? But is there also a notion in this (off the point, I know) that the modern version of the ascetic or religious life is superior somehow and more fruitful for the Kingdom than the life of a person in the marketplace? My experience is that it's much easier to be "passionate" about Christ in a church setting than in a factory or an office, where it could really make a difference.
5. Bill
- 08/31/2010 6:50 am CDT
Good point, Dave. I'd offer that being passionate about Christ anywhere can make a difference (it certainly can in church, and it can in the marketplace).
I think there is an overwhelming desire to be "safe". I certainly think about my own kids' safety a LOT. And, in my more honest moments, I think about my own safety a lot too - there's a temptation as a Christian in this country to want to be just enough Christian to get "in" and enjoy all the benefits of the Christian life, but not enough Christian to attract hostile attention, put reputation, life, limb, or fortune at risk, etc.
I struggle with that a lot. More on this coming, with some interesting statistics - probably in my next post.
6. Karl
- 08/31/2010 9:04 am CDT
I definitely saw that play out more than a few times during my time at Wheaton College. Of course there were some parents who were overjoyed when their child chose a to be a missionary, pursue church ministry or other such work. But there were plenty who weren't nearly so keen on the idea. They may have liked the story of Jim Elliot, but they didn't send their child to his alma mater to BECOME the next Jim Elliot.
A couple of on-fire, inspirational professors in the Christian Ed department who often mentored students and helped them discern a call to ministry or missions work in particular used to get occasional flack from parents.
7. Quaid
- 08/31/2010 11:03 am CDT
Bill - thank you for the clarification (although I stand by my point that a parent shouldn't expect an administrator to be the caretaker of their adult child.)
Piper often speaks on the concept of the ironic danger of safety/comfort. Notably, he has mentioned in at least one sermon that the church asks their pastoral staff to live in their church's immediate community, which, I understand is not all that secure. He then talks about how candidates for positions in the church will come in and their first or second question will bring up the concern of their family's safety (or lack thereof) in the local neighborhood. At this point, he rails on the concept of how physical safety and comfort are never guaranteed in scripture and should not be factors in how we make decisions when it comes to spreading the Gospel.
I completely agree with him.
Certainly, we want our friends/family to remain safe from the dangers that drugs, alcohol and sex can perpetrate (something the Bible commends), but we extrapolate that to trying to protect them from the dangers of spreading the Gospel (something the Bible does not commend).
Preaching the Gospel to an intolerant, hurting and sinful world is inherently dangerous. To accept Christ is to accept His Cross.
Sure, there is room for common sense (e.g., Acts 14:6-7 and the early church fleeing from persecution in Rome, serving to further propagate the Gospel). And, of course, there is room for proper preparation. Still - a life lived for the Gospel is the epitome of courage. We must do our best to make certain our children aren't cowards.
8. nhe
- 08/31/2010 1:04 pm CDT
Having been to Europe and Latin America on several short-mission projects and having lived in the homes of the missionaries there for weeks at a time, I can honestly say that (from a safety standpoint) I would MUCH rather my 18 year old daughter live with those missionaries in those impoverished areas than where she lives now - a freshman co-ed dorm at the University of Georgia.
In fact, its not even close......mission field by a mile.
These well-meaning but uninformed parents would have a COMPLETELY different perspective if they spent a week in most mission situations.
9. Bill
- 08/31/2010 5:03 pm CDT
Quaid and nhe - thanks. And also, Quaid, I agree with you that an administrator should not be considered the caretaker of an adult child (although, of course, as a school administrator they do have some basic accountabilities there, but I think that's different than what you were referring to).
Regarding safety, I think another aspect is the desire for a child to have financial safety - i.e., to be gainfully employed, live better than you lived, etc. This is not a Godly ambition, of course, but it's very natural for parents. Akin to this is the desire for your child to, for instance, meet a good spouse, and present you with grandchildren (preferably within an hour or two drive from where you live now). Again, this should be very subordinate to the demands of the Kingdom, but it's a perfectly normal desire for a parent. So I understand that a parent would be worried if their child has decided to go into missions (and there are still mission fields in the world that are very dangerous).
But we parents don't often understand the damage we can do to our children by holding them back from the call of God. And I think that's the main thing I got from this portion of Dr. Akin's message.
10. Quaid
- 08/31/2010 10:42 pm CDT
I think it all boils down to a faith issue . . . right?
Bill - I'm not sure how tempted you are to act in such a way as the family in the post (I doubt any at all), but your family has been blessed with a legacy of missions that I think will be honored and remembered for generations. -Serving both at home and internationally, I have so much respect for your fam.
11. Bill
- 09/01/2010 6:49 am CDT
Man, thanks Quaid!
And, yes, I think it boils down to faith and realizing that God owns everything, even our children.
I haven't been faced with this particular scenario yet (although one of my children is majoring in Christian studies :-) - but if I am I hope that I won't be selfish.
Leave a Comment:
I have 2 in college right now....is it wrong that I would rather my two in college have a few (resolvable) issues with one of the big 3 mentioned here than for either of them to grow up to be a parent like the ones mentioned here?